


Captain Blue Eyes

by alisha_winchester_collins



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: AU, Drunken Confessions, F/M, First Dance, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alisha_winchester_collins/pseuds/alisha_winchester_collins
Summary: when the Captain you have a crush on happens to be the one you find yourself face to face with after getting drunk at a party!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rebeldaydreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebeldaydreams/gifts).



The USS Discovery was a beautiful ship, one of the finest that the Starfleet had to offer, the secret weapon amongst dozens of others, with only the best and brightest chosen to be a part of its esteemed crew, and you had found your place there. Working as part of the medical team with Dr. Culber over the past year since you signed up had been a truly wonderful experience - in fact being a member of the Discovery proved to be more than you ever could have even dreamed of - you had become fast friends with Cadet Tilly, Commander Burnham, Lt. Tyler and though the missions, exploration adventures, even fights could be intense and emotionally challenging, you had managed to hold your own. After all it was your final year as a Cadet, what could go wrong?

It turned out that there was plenty you hadn’t considered to be in the realm of possibility of things going wrong. Namely, your inability to stop being a complete klutz the moment you stepped outside the lab - no matter where you were on the ship, at some point or the other you would either find yourself tripping over your own feet or dropping a file or ten that you might be carrying - everyone onboard had gotten used to it and didn’t blink at the seemingly clumsiness you hadn’t exactly explained… except Tilly probably had an inkling as to the reason behind the change in your personality. You both were part of the same class of students who were assigned to the USS Discovery before graduating from the Academy and even though she was roommates with Michael, it wasn’t hard for her to guess there was a certain someone who you passed in the halls or in the cafeteria that led to your flubs and falls.

“You know, you could always just tell him how you feel.” Tilly said to you one evening, sitting in your quarters watching as you nervously played with your hair and grinning when she saw your face blanch in the mirror.

“Tell him how I feel?” The very thought of that sounded a little too unrealistic for you to even laugh, “I don’t think _anyone_ in their right mind would just walk up to… to…” You sighed and realized Tilly had been waiting for this opportunity.

“To the captain and tell him you like him?” Her voice was playfully teasing.

“Sssshhh… I don’t _like_ him. I just… think that he’s… nice.” Your reply was about as honest as you were going to get with anyone. Or so you thought.

Everything had changed one morning, not too long after you’d settled in as part of the crew, when you’d found yourself face to face with none other than Captain Gabriel Lorca himself. Everyone always talked about him with a mix of respect and fear, but no one had thought that telling you how handsome he looked was of any import… and of course it wasn’t the _most_ important thing about a man… but seeing him in the mess hall with all of the other officers had caught you off-guard and… and you groaned inwardly as the memory of your first klutzy encounter flashed through your mind; it had been a genuine accident… spilling tea on the captain’s uniform was not on the agenda and even though you were mortified as soon as you realized what had happened… the words out of his mouth were more unexpected.

“It’s quite alright Cadet L/N…” He had started to say and everything that followed was practically gibberish. How could he have known who you were?

In hindsight you knew it was obvious because of the name-tag on your uniform, but in that moment, caught between shock and awe, staring up at him… he was fairly taller than you and stood with the poise of a confident man, a _captain_ who probably did know everyone’s name… who also happened to look very handsome with stunning blue eyes and a chiseled jaw and soft lips that seemed very kissable…

“Pull yourself together Y/N.” You muttered under your breath as you finished getting ready for the party. Tilly giggled as she waited for you by the doorway, knowing you had gotten lost in a daydream again.

_“I guess it’s up to me then.”_ She thought to herself, coming up with a plan almost immediately, as the two of you walked together to meet Michael and Ash before heading for the cafeteria that had been converted into the party hall for that night.

After a year’s worth of training and missions and preparing for the final tests at the Academy, you and Tilly had officially graduated and were the newly named Officers of the USS Discovery at last. Tonight’s festivities were a much more intimate gathering than had been at Starfleet, since the ship was still not yet scheduled to be off-world just then… it was the perfect timing to celebrate. And at first, to your immense delight, the night was fun and enjoyable, filled with music and dancing and cheering on a drinking contest between Ash and Officer Stamets; you were even relieved to not have had any embarrassing encounters with Captain Lorca, until… it dawned on you… that at some point you were being escorted out of the party, by him nonetheless, with one arm around your waist and the other on your shoulder.

“You’re okay Y/N, I’ve got you.” His voice sounded like a distant melody you remembered hearing once upon a time when you were a young girl.

“...s’alright, m’kay.” You sighed happily and leaned into his strong, warm body… was this how you always imagined it felt?

There was a small part of you, a voice in the back of your head, telling you that you were quite drunk thanks to Tilly, who, even though she knew you were a lightweight, had heaped a couple of glasses of… something to you… over the last three hours… and at some point, Lorca offered to walk you back to your quarters once he realized that there was no one else around who could be of assistance. It was the least he could do for one of his officers, but what he didn’t realize - and neither would you until the following morning - was that it had been part of Tilly’s plan.

“Steady on officer.” Lorca said as you both arrived outside the doors to your room, you were slightly tipsy but thankfully not giggling when drunk.

“I’m fin.” And even though you probably knew you wanted to say ‘fine’ you couldn’t be bothered to correct yourself; the floor was still spinning and your head hurt from all of the lights along the corridor. It was painful to be drunk, but at least the one sense of comfort you had was the man holding you upright.

“Fin?” The question remained unspoken as Lorca repeated what you just said.

“It’s Latin…” You started to say as you stepped inside the room, “Means ‘finished’ and I am… finished… drinking… partying… fin.” Thank god it was cooler here; you could already feel the pounding headache starting to turn into a dull ache. Water. You needed a lot of water.

Lorca however, was more inclined to make sure that he got you into bed first before anything else. He carefully slipped his arm from your waist and was about to walk over to the bed when you suddenly reached out and caught a hold of his hand, surprising yourself and him.

“Y/N…?” Was all that Lorca managed before you closed the distance between the two of you once again, your eyes wide open now, staring into his with a wondrous look on your face. “Is everything alright?” He asked after a moment’s silence.

“ _Your eyes._ ” You whispered softly, but loud enough for him to hear, “The way they looked just now… in the moonlight… it was as if… as if they were sparkling blue sapphires.” You stood there transfixed, the hand that wasn’t holding his, half raised, almost but not quite touching his face.

“Sapphires huh? That’s very thoughtful of you.” Lorca said with a grin, knowing that you were still terribly drunk and in need of a night’s rest.

You refused to budge from where you stood in the middle of your room, not letting go of his hand either, although now maybe there was a part of you which was registering the fact that he hadn’t pulled free from your hold. Which didn’t necessarily mean anything? Did it?

“Y/N, we should get you to bed.”

“I’m admiring the view.” The first thought in your head was the first words out of your mouth and if you weren’t drunk you probably wouldn’t have said something so bold.

You knew that Lorca was not just your superior officer, he was still your captain, and also older than you. A bit. Almost twice your age. Maybe. Although did that really matter?

“And what view might that be officer?” His question broke you out of your reverie… but if you were drunk then was it really… what?

“Your abs. They’re… very… ab-y.” You were standing close enough to feel the heat emanating from the proximity between the two of you and maybe that was what was making you feel lightheaded. If you just rested a hand on his chest then the room would possibly cease spinning.

“Really? And what else?” He asked, his voice much softer now, as he covered your hand against his chest with his own.

“The… your… jaw. It’s very chiseled. And the way your hair falls over your forehead… it’s very black… but I wonder what it would look like if you had a bit of silver… running through it… running my hands through it.” Nervous rambling was a new one for you. Add to the fact that you were drunk wasn’t helping things either.

“Silver?” Lorca raised an eyebrow at that, sounding more intrigued than anything.

By now you were processing that his hand was on yours and it rested on his chest, letting you feel his heart beating underneath your fingers. Listening to your own heartbeat echoing… thundering… against your chest… did he not hear it?

“Why didn’t you dance with me?” You suddenly blurted out; not knowing where the thought even came from.

The question seemed to take him by surprise however… the momentary flirting with you was harmless to say the least… but now… somehow you could sense that Lorca had realized there was more to it than he might have thought.

“I… I didn’t think to have asked you… to dance, Y/N.” He said at last, looking down into your eyes and seeing the sincerity in your question, understood that you probably needed the liquid courage that night to talk to him.

“Would you have?” Overcome with too much happening too soon, you sighed as you gave into the last impulsive thought you had and rested your head against his chest. “Would you have danced with me if I had asked?”

Time seemed to have frozen just then, or perhaps Lorca had… he hadn’t expected his arms to instinctively wrap around your body as you enveloped yourself in him, not knowing that you felt nothing but a sense of safety in that moment. He didn’t know what to say or what to think; he had spent the last year trying not to get caught up in his feelings towards you and everything had been okay until now… until you had practically opened yourself up to him… more than you ever thought you would… and as he stood there, holding you close, he knew that maybe it was time to confess the truth about how he felt… about you.

“Y/N… I-” His reply was cut off by the quiet sounds of your breathing which was all too recognizable.

Without knowing it, you had fallen asleep while standing and at that, Lorca couldn’t help but chuckle as he didn’t hesitate to carefully pick you up in his arms and carried you over to the bed; and as he pulled the covers up, his fingers touched your bare shoulder, but you didn’t stir. It was only after you were tucked in did Lorca stand up, ready to leave… the inevitable discussion between the two of you could wait until the morning. For now it was time he headed to his own room.

“I owe you a dance.” He whispered and left you to your dreams.


	2. A Dance For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after your graduation party leads to another meeting with Captain Lorca, what will happen next?

For the better part of this past year, being part of the Discovery crew had been a wonderful and life changing experience for you. Every day was an unexpected adventure and there was very little you could complain about… but that didn't mean you had _zero_ complaints… in fact, maybe one of the things you wished you could change happened to be a very annoying aspect that you occasionally had to deal with.

Keyla Detmer was your roommate and a friend as well; you had gotten along with her just as well as with Tilly… but the fact that she had an old timey alarm clock from her family back on Earth… that just refused to shut down until after it was whacked and thrown against the wall… for it to go off the morning after your party… _at 0500 hours…_

“You've got to be kidding me.” Groaning as that familiar noise rung, you grabbed a pillow from somewhere next to you and flung it across the room.

“You missed.” Detmer's sleepy mumble told you that she was fast asleep too.

“Keyla, please.” You didn't have to say anything else and waited with your head under the pillow until you heard her flinging the clock and silenced it.

“Night, Y/N.” Your roommate said as she promptly fell back to sleep.

If only it was that easy for you to follow suit; the headache you were currently experiencing prevented you from doing so. You were hungover. And it felt _terrible._ Before you knew it, you sighed deeply and opened your eyes, as wide awake as you could be at this godforsaken hour. A glass of water did help a little… but given that Keyla was still an hour or so from waking up and you needed something more to help get over this hangover… you silently willed yourself to find your way towards the mess hall as quietly and quickly as possible.

“I'm never drinking again.” You muttered softly under your breath walking through the silent and empty corridors of your ship.

In your entire life you had probably been this drunk maybe once before - twice if you counted that other time - why was last night seemingly a blur of images you couldn't make sense of? How much exactly had you had to drink? Of course you were so caught up in trying to recall the events of the party, thinking no one else was awake, that you quite literally found yourself in another embarrassing situation mere seconds after walking inside the cafeteria.

You hadn't been paying attention to where you were walking towards, and without realizing it, had walked directly into something as soon as you went through the open doors. No. Not something-

“L/N?” A pair of hands caught you around your arms as you stumbled into…

“Oh no.” You whispered too softly for him to have heard it, but the moment you looked up and saw none other than Captain Lorca in front of you… everything about the night before came rushing back.

As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, remembering all the comments you'd made, the flirting between you and him, the fact that you'd _fallen asleep on his chest_ … now you were practically in his arms. Again. And dressed in your pajamas. Blinking and attempting to extricate yourself from him, you accidentally pushed your hand against his chest trying to balance yourself. It was in that moment did you realize that Lorca was dressed in his uniform as he always was; except his jacket had been unzipped leaving you staring at the blue t-shirt he wore underneath, which seemed to be a _little_ stretched _._

“Umm…” You started to say, vaguely aware of the fact that you were doing your best to not glance up and see those blue eyes.

“See something you like?” There was a smirk on the captain’s lips as he said those words but you were still distracted to notice it.  
  
“Well, I was just… uh… yes - I mean! No!” You finally managed to form a sentence and then realizing what had slipped out, blushed immediately.

Too much was happening too soon. You had just woken up. And remembered that he had been in your room just hours ago. And now he was here again. Holding you while your hand rested against his chest which was covered only by a _really_  reallytight t-shirt. All of which would have been perfectly fine were it not for you still being hungover. Or maybe not ‘fine’ but less complicated to deal with. Maybe.

“I was only joking, L/N.” Lorca's voice was soft and comforting as he spoke. “Mostly.” He added with a smile.

“I uh… I didn't see where I was going and walked without thinking twice if anyone was also awake; it's just that I wasn't actually expecting to see you… anyone else here. Not that there's anything wrong with your being here sir, I didn't mean that you shouldn't be, no… I-” Oh god, you were rambling now.

This was quite possibly even worse than the time when you'd spilled coffee on him. Talking endlessly and making a bumbling fool of yourself so early in the morning had to be a new record.

“It's quite alright. I was just taking advantage of an empty cafeteria to have a cup of coffee. You're more than welcome to join me.”

“Oh.”  

However, before you had the chance to say something else to Lorca, the doors opened again. And reacting on impulse, you pulled away from him before anyone walked inside. Standing next to him but at a distance made it appear as if you two were having a normal conversation. Whether you were relieved or disappointed to see Commander Saru walk in and immediately engage the Captain in a conversation, you couldn’t quite be sure of… but it was hard not to miss the glance Lorca gave you as he turned your way for a brief moment and… was it your imagination or the fact that you were possibly half asleep… because it looked like he may have been a little disheartened at the interruption as well?

Sighting quietly, you resigned yourself to go and get ready for the day ahead, figuring that you’d come back a little while later and grab a bite to eat with everyone else. Discovery wasn’t scheduled to head off world until 0900 hours which meant you had enough time to yourself before your first official day part of the ship’s crew began.

However, you knew better than to expect all of the embarrassing moments for the day to have finished already… for just as you were making your way back to your quarters and possibly wake Keyla up since the alarm clock was lying in pieces on the floor somewhere… your one _innocent_ glance toward the Captain, in his early morning casual look, distracted you long enough to walk into the corner of a table which banged and caught the attention of both Lorca and Saru.

“Are you alright L/N?” How Lorca managed to sound very formal and yet concerned for one of his crew was a mystery to you; but you were too busy trying not to wince too much because of the pain in your knee that was building already.

“Fine, fine. Absolutely fine, Captain. Just didn’t see where I was going is all.” You managed to wave it off, repeating your words to him from before.

“Well now… I wouldn't want to have to escort you everywhere for fear of you injuring yourself.” He said with a knowing grin, leaving you both flustered and confused.

Almost as if the words itself had conjured up the image of him always by your side, with a hand on your elbow or on the small of your back and just… there to catch you or stop yourself from getting hurt… it was enough for you to mumble a quick and hurried something about needing to get dressed and headed to your room. This was going to be a _very_ long day.

After breakfast, the rest of your day was spent in the sickbay, working with Dr. Culber and busying yourself with the inventory of medical supplies and other important necessities that you required to have on board at all times. You felt the nerves of your first day fading as the hours went by; this was no different than how things had been before… you loved doing important work… and even when there was no crew member who needed your assistance, none of this felt monotonous. It was relaxing in fact. And it helped keep your mind off everything that had happened in the morning. Or so you thought.

“Medical kits… check… sonic separators… check… laser scalpels… check.” You were going through the list of equipment that had been restocked onboard, making notes of things that needed to be signed off by Dr. Culber.

Everyone else had already left for a break leaving you alone to your thoughts, which to your surprise, hadn’t really strayed that much since you’d dived right in to work. Every now and then you would remember some detail about the night before, but for the most part, the afternoon had gone by smoothly. Until…

“Dr. Culber, I was hoping to have a word with you.” The familiar voice of your Captain rung out through the sickbay.

You had been sitting with your legs crossed, next to one of the tables near the doors, crouching on the floor where the books were shelved, but so caught up in your search for a copy of “Gray’s Anatomy” amidst all the other medical texts that you hadn’t heard anything at all to suggest you weren’t alone anymore… and the second you heard Lorca - no you hadn't been daydreaming about him - your instincts kicked in and with a startled gasp, you shot to your feet and promptly ended up hitting your head against the table.

“Ow!” You swore under your breath, wincing as you pressed a hand to the left side of your head.

“Y/N? Are you hurt?” In the few seconds it took for you to refocus yourself, Lorca had crossed the room and was by your side looking worried.

“Ah… it's nothing Captain. Just a bump really.” You rubbed the spot that was pulsing under your fingers trying not to wince.

“May I?”

It was then did you realize just how _close_ he was standing… not even a foot away… and when you dropped your hand, you glanced up at him and saw the look in his eyes. Something in them gave you pause and finding that you couldn't say anything, you simply nodded.

“I'm not a doctor myself, I know, but perhaps it isn't a concussion.” Lorca mused as he gently placed his hands on your head, his fingers touching your forehead, examining it for any cuts.

You couldn't stop the shiver that went down your spine at his touch… it was more of a caress than anything… soft and careful. Time seemed to pass by, the ship continuing its journey, everyone else going about their jobs, but here and now in the sickbay, none of that mattered.

“No external injuries visible; maybe a slight bruising but otherwise I think you're going to be okay.”

“Thank you, sir.”

For a heartbeat of a second, it felt as if there was something that Lorca wanted to say to you. Or perhaps it was more than that. Maybe even though you couldn't have known that he had been tempted to give into impulse and kiss the spot you'd hurt your head against… but things were not as simple as they should have been… not when he was…

“Is there something I can help you with Captain?” You breathed out, wanting… _needing_ to break the silence between you two.

So much had happened in the last twenty-four hours and a lot of things said as well, but too much had been left unspoken. The only problem was… you didn't know what you possibly could say to him. Or where to begin really.

“Nothing important,” Lorca replied, “I was simply looking for Culber to discuss something. I can come back later when he returns.”

“I'll be sure to let him know.”

“Thank you.”

Before either one of you could continue the conversation, one of the monitors began to beep an alert that distracted you; Lorca was standing there, his hands behind his back, watching you curiously but not saying anything else.

“Oh! I forgot about this - Dr. Culber asked me to run a systems diagnostics on everything once we left home… I should… uh…” Why was it that every time you wanted to try and talk about the night before, something kept interrupting the two of you?

“Of course, I’ll let you get back to your work, L/N.” He said with a hint of a smile, leaving you to your thoughts.

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully; Discovery was en route to new and unexplored territories, there was no crisis or emergency to be dealt with… everything and everyone remained relatively calm which didn't happen often… which made the day one to relax. Lorca had retired to his ready room for the night, and as he sat at his desk reading reports from Starfleet Command, he found himself thinking about everything that had happened today. Twice now he had met you and both times he hadn't gotten a chance to talk to you about the party… and what had followed after in your quarters… Lorca was a man who wasn't known for being open about his feelings. He never expected to ever really come across someone who would give him pause, someone whom he could see as more than just a one night stand, someone he found himself thinking about, caring for, and even being worried over… until… you.

Closing down the files, Lorca leaned back in his chair and thought about what he needed to do; the night was still young and perhaps you hadn't gone to sleep just then. A third meeting would prove to be more… hopeful maybe. Especially if he did things the right way. As soon as he thought of that, the only thing left to do was bring you to him, and so he reached for the intercom button by his side.

“Commander Burnham, I'd like to speak with you now if you have the time.”

“Yes, Captain. Right away.”

Lorca believed that an indirect approach was the best way to go about this. So as to not attract too much attention. Not until he talked to you.

Over in the sickbay, you had just finished your work for the night and were about to head towards your quarters to just sink into bed with a good book to read and catch up with Keyla, when you ran into Michael in the corridors.

“Y/N, the Captain wants to see you in his ready room now.” She said, passing along the message from Lorca.

“Captain Lorca?” You blinked for a second before you realized what that sounded like.

“Yes, we have only the one Captain.”

“Right. No, I know that, sorry I just… it’s been a long day.”

Mentally whacking yourself for sounding so completely utterly silly, you thanked Michael and said goodnight to her. It seemed that the time to talk to Lorca was now; and so you made your way towards his quarters, each step that took you closer made your heart beat faster… what exactly did he want to talk to you about you didn’t know, but obviously your comment about his eyes was probably one of the things… before you even knew it, you stood in front of the door and waited until you heard his voice from inside and entered.

“Ah, L/N, there you are…” Lorca had been standing in front of what looked like a… phonograph of old, his brow furrowed in thought as he shuffled through several vinyl discs? “Come in, come in.” He had unzipped his jacket once more, but only just… enough to expose his neck…

“You asked to see me sir?” You took a soft breath and hoped he didn’t notice you staring, again.

“Yes, I wanted to take you up on your offer.” He said as a matter of fact.

That took you by surprise… what offer? You frowned as you walked towards him curiously, wondering what he was referring to.

“Sir?”

“Our dance of course.”

“ _Oh_.” He… he had heard that. And you had actually said those words to him.

This is why he had called you here? The idea of him wanting to dance with you… you didn’t even know that he could dance. In that second, your legs felt like they were turning to jelly, so you definitely didn’t see yourself being able to.

“Debussy I should think. Clair de Lune is a personal favorite of mine.” Lorca said as he picked out a disc and set the others aside.

“It’s one of mine too.” You blurted out, “I didn’t know you were a fan of the classics, sir.”

“I have a fondness for all things… timeless… including having an assortment of odds and ends from Earth.” He smiled and gestured for you to come closer, where an entire display was laid out.

There was a small collection of antiques that you hadn’t really thought about as something Lorca was interested in; even if it was something as simple as music from centuries past. Having placed the needle on top of the disc, that familiar song began to play.

“May I have this dance, Y/N?” He turned to you now and held out a hand.

With your hand in his hand and the other on his shoulder, while his arm went around your waist, Lorca began to lead the dance and for a few moments, there was a peaceful silence. 1, 2, 3… 1, 2, 3… you had been mentally counting the steps at the start, but soon you found yourself getting caught up in the moment… looking into those blue eyes you had never quite expected to be so close to… feeling a calmness settle over you.

“About last night… why exactly do you think that you needed liquid courage?” Lorca posed the question casually but he still felt a startle go through you in his arms.

“Oh. Umm… well…” You glanced up away from him briefly, knowing you wouldn’t be able to say what you wanted to if you were staring into his eyes, “Tilly has this idea… it’s… just… she thinks that… I- I _like_ you.”

There was a momentary pause in the conversation, with the song continuing to play in the background; you weren’t sure if you were ready for his response… but there was no point in delaying the inevitable now.

“And do you?” His voice was soft and calm.

“I mean, of course, you're my captain. Doesn't everyone like you?”

“Y/N, that doesn’t answer my question.”

“… I know it doesn’t… but the truth is… I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Everything changing. I know that I shouldn’t… I mean… this is not really something that does happen, does it? You’re my captain, my superior officer and I don’t want to be seen as the kind of person who… I know that it’s not… but people talk… and I just…” Taking a deep breath to stop the incessant rambling you looked into his eyes, “I don’t want to put you in that position, sir.”

“Is that a yes?” He asked you, bringing back the question to your feelings.

“Yes… it is… but-” You started to protest.

But before you could say anything else, he placed a finger on your lips, which shut you up without any second thoughts. You could feel your heart beating erratically now… the music had long since finished… the dancing was at a standstill… it was just the two of you…

“Y/N, do you trust me?”

“I do.”

“Then trust that _I_ would never let anything happen to you, that you will never find yourself in a compromising position; this isn’t about one of us taking advantage of the other’s position or anything of the kind. You’re not only part of my crew, you’re one of the youngest to graduate from the academy and on your way to becoming a doctor… in a few years you’ll be my colleague… one day you’ll even be the chief medical officer… and none of that is going to be because of me, but your talents and dedication and passion to what you believe in.” The sincerity in Lorca’s voice caught you off guard, you hadn’t been expecting him to say… all those things.

“Well… I was thinking of maybe opening a clinic of my own in a few years, back on Earth, to be able to help people back home. I haven’t really decided for sure just yet… but I knew I couldn’t miss out on the opportunity to see the stars and be a part of this.” You hadn’t known what to say to him except… more rambling.

“Whatever you choose to do, I know that it will be a success.”

“Thank you… captain.”

You felt the blush rising at his words and knew that there was a subtle shift in the atmosphere between the two of you now; was this the moment when you… or did he… who exactly was supposed to make the first move here? Almost as if Lorca could read your mind in that moment, his thumb slid under your chin, tilting your face upwards to meet his gaze; the silent question reflected in his eyes, asking you… waiting for you… and as you nodded once, instinctively reacting to his touch… as you drew closer to him… and when you felt his breath on your lips…

 _“Captain Lorca, please report to the bridge, it’s a matter of some urgency.”_ Commander Saru’s voice over the intercom suddenly broke through the reverie of the moment.

“Duty calls.” He whispered, but there was still a smile on his face that you couldn’t quite decipher. Why was he smirking at being interrupted?

You didn’t get the chance to ask him about it, for before you could, he bent down and kissed you on the cheek.

“I guess you owe me a kiss next time.” And with that, Lorca headed for the bridge, leaving you momentarily stunned at his sudden bold move.

Without realizing it, you spun around on the spot when you heard the doors opening, a hand on your cheek, not quite touching the warmth where his lips had been seconds ago… and just before he stepped outside, he turned around to meet your gaze… staying where he was for a minute too long, but really not long enough at all. _Next time._ His words echoed in your mind, and you found yourself smiling at the thought of what the next time would bring for you.


	3. Uninterrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> set a week after the events of the previous chapter!

Someone had once asked you, what it meant to you to become a doctor, for it was not a job for the faint of heart; there would come a day when everything that you learned, everything that you trained for, would still not be enough when the unexpected happened. And when that day came, how you reacted to it would either help you on your path to being a Starfleet physician or it wouldn't.

Your answer to that question had been quite simple - being a doctor was what you were always going to be, you'd known that from an early age; you knew that in this time and the world you lived in, there was always the chance that things would go horribly wrong and anything could happen, but you were ready to face the unexpected. It was during times of crisis when you found that you were the calmest, which went a long way when it came down to finding yourself in the middle of chaos.

Which was where you were a week later, sitting in the sickbay, holding Captain Gabriel Lorca’s life quite literally, in your hands. For when everything else had failed and time was against him, the only way left was a blood transfusion that you, as a universal donor, could give him.

There was a strange silence in the air all around the Discovery; not quite a calm _after_ the storm, more like a hopeful sigh of relief that the worst was over. For now that the ship was up and running and on its way to safety, maybe you could finally breathe again. The past few hours had been challenging for all 135 souls on board as everyone dealt with a twofold attack against their home and the people who were not just a crew but a family.

_“We need some help over here!"_

_“Tilly! I need you to keep the pressure on the wound and-”_

_“Doctor, the emergency generators are offline, we're working on repairs.”_

_“Y/N, if we're going to do this, it's now or never.”_

Flashes and snatches of the conversations amongst those who were uninjured in the attack and ready to help echoed in your mind as you remembered that first hour when everything felt like controlled chaos… while you waited… waited for the treatment to work. Because even though you had confidence in yourself, the one aspect that you hadn't quite counted on, was the unexpected that came with caring so deeply for someone… feeling like the breath was knocked out of your lungs, your thoughts going at a hundred miles a second, with a fear that gripped your heart; and all you could afford was one heartbeat of a moment… before you had dived in to help everyone… including the man you called captain.

“Stay with me, Gabriel. I've got you.” Somewhere a part of you knew there was always a chance that he could hear your voice.   

You had slipped your hand into his as soon as you’d hooked yourself up to begin the process  and even afterwards, once you kept the equipment away, returning to sit by his side, it was almost instinctive for you to have taken his hand without thinking twice about it.

There was a hand on your shoulder and you turned around to see Michael standing behind, looking no worse for the wear now that she was on her feet again.

“The captain’s going to be okay, he’s got the very best looking after him.” She said, offering the reassurance that you needed to hear.

“How are you feeling now?” You asked her, looking around the sickbay and realizing that the other patients had been discharged; presumably on Dr. Culber’s orders to return to their quarters and rest.

“Better, thanks to you and the others.” It was true, save for a dull ache that a good night’s sleep would help, “I was about to check on Ash, but I wanted to see how you were doing, L/N.”

“A little tired, but that's to be expected with the blood loss. I'll be fine… I just don't want the captain to be alone when he wakes up.”

“I'm sure he'd appreciate that. Let me know if there's anything I can do.”

“Rest first, those are my orders too.”

“Yes, doctor.”

And with that Michael bid you goodnight and headed out; the sickbay was now empty and quiet, save for the machines hooked up to Lorca that beeped softly… rhythmically… lulling you into a sleep, your hand still holding his as you drifted off, just for a little while.

 _Pain_. That was the first thing that he felt as soon as he realized that he was capable of feeling anything at all. Not a terrible excruciating pain which was akin to being sliced… no that was a memory of a feeling that seemed too real… with a start, Gabriel Lorca awakened to complete and utter silence. There were flashes of blood and screaming and pain; he was dying… he remembered that… but this was… something else. Something familiar that he couldn’t quite place just yet. His eyes fell on your sleeping form and when he saw his hand entwined in yours… a feeling of calmness seemed to settle over him even if he didn’t know why.

You weren’t sure how you knew, instinct maybe… but almost immediately you found yourself waking up and saw Lorca watching you.

“Captain, you’re awake.” Relief and happiness filled you as your hand slipped out of his, just to check his vitals for a moment.

“My god you are _beautiful_.” He whispered as he took you in, and then, “Captain?” There was a frown on his face when he spoke; it sounded right to him but also… not?

“Are you all right?” Hearing his words sent a jolt of panic through your heart for a second before you realized that he was likely still disoriented from everything that had happened.

Grabbing a flashlight to check his for any signs of a concussion, you tracked his eye movements which were normal thankfully. Everything else seemed to check out as well.

“Do you know your name?” You asked him softly, quieting the fear.

You watched as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if to steady himself, help refocus his mind. And then when he turned to see you once more, after a few minutes had passed, there was a soft smile on his face now.

“Captain Gabriel Lorca, of the USS Discovery… I seem to have forgotten who I was for a moment there, Y/N.”

“That’s to be expected - you suffered a head injury - it’s only normal to experience a little dizziness or memory lapses, it’ll pass but you’re going to be just fine.”

His gaze had been focused on you this entire time and without even giving it a second thought, Lorca reached for your hand and kissed the top of it, for no reason whatsoever other that he just… could. It caught you by surprise but you smiled at him… letting the fact that he was here and awake and slowly coming back to himself settle over you.

“What about the others? Burnham and Tyler-”

“They're both fine, recovering in their quarters, minor injuries that we dealt with to the best of our abilities… given that we were… up against some odds.”

“Ah, Captain… welcome back to the land of the living.” Doctor Culber’s voice as he entered the sickbay caught Lorca’s attention and he finally took in the sight in front of him.

Even though almost everything had been cleared away, there were still traces of equipment laying aside in a corner that weren’t in working condition anymore; the computer screens that needed to be shut down before they could be rebooted up again cast a forlorn gloom… even the atmosphere to him felt… off. It looked as if there was a hurricane that had swept through and then been cleaned up.

“Dr. Culber, what happened?” Lorca couldn’t remember anything about this from before… he couldn’t remember much of anything over the last several hours.

“There was an attack on the ship while you and Burnham and Tyler were fighting for your lives on the planet below… we were caught off-guard momentarily but it was long enough to have an EMP infiltrate our systems and cripple everything. It’s only in this past hour that Engineering has given us the green light; we’re en route to Starbase 9 for extensive repairs.”

“Were there any other injuries to the crew?”

“Some minor scrapes and scratches, but my immediate concern is for you sir, you almost gave us a scare.” Culber glanced over to you, “L/N, what’s the latest prognosis?”

Lorca conveniently chose to tune out the medical terms that you and Dr. Culber discussed for a minute or two, he was trying to piece together the events of the time that were big blanks of nothing in his mind. He remembered taking the shuttle down to the planet to investigate a possible disturbance that had triggered some kind of distress signal; along with Burnham and Tyler… the three of them had come face to face with absolutely nothing to suggest there was any danger, there was no sign of civilization whatsoever and when they tracked the path of the signal to its source - was it an alien creature that he hadn't noticed? Claws… he remembered the pain in his shoulder when he'd pushed Michael out of the way.

“Captain?” Your hand on his shoulder brought Lorca out of his reverie, Culber had asked him a question.

“How would you rate your pain on a scale from one to ten sir?”

“Well, my chest feels like a Tardigrade decided to sit on it, so I’d say somewhere over the 5 limit.” He replied, “It’s mostly a dull ache now, doctor.”

“That’d be the chest brace doing its job, your ribs took quite a beating and with all the blood loss you’ve experienced… captain, what do you think you’re doing?”

“I need to get back to the bridge Culber, I appreciate everything you’ve done, both of you but I can’t just sit around twiddling my thumbs here.” What Lorca really wanted in the moment, was to see the rest of his ship and make sure that everyone was safe now.

“That’s exactly what you need to be doing sir; L/N help me out.” Culber figured you were the best person to stop him from leaving.

And it was in this moment when you realized that you were caught between your mentor and your captain, the latter of whom you… liked. Which probably wasn’t even the right word if you were being honest… but now you had more important things to be concerned about.

“I think Dr. Culber has a point, sir.” You started to address Lorca as an idea came to mind, one where everyone got what they all wanted, and then to Culber as well,  “However, if I may Doctor, I do have a suggestion…”

“Go on.”

“If the Captain agrees, then perhaps we could move him to his quarters and keep him under observation until we get to the Starbase.”

The two men exchanged a look that told you they seemed to consider this proposition. And to your relief, nearly half an hour later, you found yourself walking with Lorca towards his room; the condition being that you were responsible for staying there to keep an eye on him, which you readily accepted. It felt oddly familiar… having the captain being supported by you the only difference in the situation this time around.

“Y/N, where is everyone?” Lorca had expected to run into some of the crew, but the ship felt… deserted. Hauntingly so.

“Most of them are down in Engineering helping in whatever way they can; most of the repairs on these levels are done.” You explained, and even though you knew everyone was around somewhere, the walls, the corridors, it all felt cold and empty.

By the time you had reached the bridge, which was the only other occupied part of the ship… Lorca saw the actual physical aftermath of the destruction around. Only three people remained stationed there - Saru who was temporarily in charge, Keyla at the controls and Owo beside her - they all were relieved to see that their Captain was back on his feet again and assured him everything was okay; the damage to the bridge looked bleak but machines could be fixed, repaired, replaced… the people of Discovery were much more important and they were all safe.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” Lorca said with a smile as he walked with you towards his ready room.

Once inside however, he didn't head straight for his bedroom that was connected at the other end… but to your immense curiosity, Lorca slowly walked over to the bowl of fortune cookies that he always had on hand. And though you had been here with him just days ago - had your dance with him been only a week earlier? - this was the first time he offered you a cookie.

“Tell me, what does it say?” Lorca stood a little away from you, playing with the paper in his hand.

“Captain… you need to be resting.” Of course you knew that he was stalling… after what he'd been through, it took everything inside you to hold yourself together.

“I will, I promise…” He waved off any other comment on that front, “I know I need it. Just… indulge me Y/N.”

Sighing as you realized that he probably would get into bed once you indulged this random wish of his, you broke the cookie in your hands and pulled out the fortune.

“A new voyage will fill your life with untold memories.” You read the words printed there and despite yourself, smiled at the thought.

“Interesting…” Lorca murmured as he thought about what you said.

“We can wonder about what's interesting or not later, sir.” As intimidating as it was to try and be a doctor with him when it was just the two of you, right now that's what you needed to be.

He held up his hands in surrender and grinned as he gestured to the bedroom, realizing only a second later what it… might have meant on a different night.

“You'll need to rest yourself if you've got nowhere else to be Y/N.” He said softly, coming closer now to offer a hand to you. “I won't have you sitting in a chair all night long.”

Glancing around the room, you knew that he had a point; the ready room wasn't exactly an ideal place to relax in… his bedroom was simply furnished and the bed was big enough for two. Still, for a second, you stood by the entrance to his room, thinking about how one step inside was almost like a step forward in your… relationship too.

“What about your fortune?” You decided that thinking about being inside Lorca's _bedroom_ was going to be far too distracting, and so you thought of a safer topic to focus on.

“Hmm? Oh. Nothing as nice as yours.” He replied with a shrug, a part of him wanting to just stretch out his body but knowing it was too soon to try anything to slow his recovery down.

“If you don't want to tell me…” There was an awkward moment again when you stopped on the other side of his bed and counted to five before sitting down.

Instead of replying to you, he chose that second to give you a pointed glance and held your gaze until you relented and kicked off your shoes and socks, settling down on the bed - he did have a point - there wasn't any other place for you to sit, not for the long hours that lay ahead. And almost as if he hadn't heard your question, tossing the fortune aside, Lorca changed topics quite abruptly as he got into bed, but instead of sitting beside you, he chose to take the opportunity to get as close to you as he could - his face mere inches away from yours with a glint in his eyes - before he simply lay down on your lap.

“So doc, tell me really, how bad is it?” Lorca said with a playful grin on his lips, even though he was quite serious.

“Well, your scans showed no signs of internal bleeding so I’m not worried about you having a concussion, or worse… except for the bruises, your ribs are in need of healing.” You replied, half distracted by the fact that he was now staring at you quite intently while the other half of you was still wrapping your head around him laying down on your lap.

Everything that you had been thinking of and talking about before… this… simply vanished from your mind.

“In other words, as my doctor your advice is…” He trailed off, letting you finish his unspoken words.

“Bed rest, until we get to where we’re going.” You were quite firm on this matter; before anything else you were still a physician on this ship and making sure he healed from his injuries was of the utmost importance.

“And you’re not going anywhere are you?”

“Someone needs to observe your progress throughout the night.”

“Which means that for the next…” Lorca paused to glance behind you at the chronometer on his bedside table, “Twelve hours, we should endeavor to be… without distractions.” Saying so, he sat up for a second and reached for his tablet.

“What are you doing?” Why was it that even the tiniest of a brush of his hand against your arm sent shivers down your spine and your heart racing?

“Just letting the crew know I’m okay.” He said, and pressed the intercom button to open a shipwide channel for broadcasting his message.

 _“Attention crew of the Discovery, this is your captain speaking. I realize some of you may be recovering from the… incident… earlier_ _today, this will only take a minute. I just wanted to thank all of you, for your bravery and your perseverance in the face of danger to your home, to your fellow crew members; and to Dr. Culber and his team, for their hard work in saving not just my life but the lives of Commander Burnham and Lieutenant Tyler. We should be arriving at Starbase 9 within the next fifteen hours, so rest up, that’s an order.”_ He paused for a second and then with a knowing glance at you, Lorca had one last message to relay.

_“Mister Saru?”_

_“Captain?”_

_“The bridge is yours until we reach our destination.”_

_“Yes captain.”_

And with that, Lorca handed you the tablet as he settled back into his position on your lap. You had listened to his words quietly, and even now there was a moment’s hesitation until he idly reached for one of your hands and placed it on his chest, covering it with both of his… just under his heart that you could felt beating strongly… not daring to breathe, you finally gave in to impulse and with your free hand, ran your fingers through his hair.

“What do you suggest we do Y/N?” If there was any indication that Lorca was surprised at this intimate and bold move on your part, he said nothing.

“Uh… we could… talk?” The fact that he asked to know what you wanted to do felt simple and small, but to you it meant a lot that there was more to… this… than fleeting moments between you and him.

“About what?”

“Anything really.”

At your words, he opened his eyes which up until now had been closed as he lay content with your caressing. There was a familiar glimmer in his eyes which you recognized all too well now and you sighed as you realized what was coming.

“That’s quite a broad range to cover Y/N… are you sure?” You could see that he was trying not to relish in the opportunity you had basically just handed him.

“… yes?” You were a bit worried now.

“If it makes you feel any better, you can ask me whatever you want next.” He waited for your nod before he continued, “Call it curiosity more than anything, but… is there a reason behind your… shall we say occasional stumbles some days?”

“Oh.” You knew that your cheeks were probably turning red, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that that’s your question.”

“It doesn’t happen _all_ the time does it?” Judging from the grin on Lorca’s face you knew that he knew exactly what the answer was but he wanted you to say it, didn’t he?

“No, it doesn’t… only when… I’m around you.”

“Really?”

“You knew this already didn’t you?”

“I _may_ have observed a pattern over the last week…”  

You didn’t say anything to that but instead reached for the pillow that lay next to you and gently swatted his arm with it. He started to chuckle but then winced as the pain in his chest flared up again and you immediately dropped the pillow.

“Captain! Are you okay?”  

“I’m fine…” He prodded the brace that was helping him heal, “But maybe I shouldn’t laugh.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

Before you could finish your sentence however, Lorca covered your mouth with his hand and met your gaze, giving you a soft smile that nearly made you forget everything that happened before this moment.

“You don’t have to apologize to me Y/N, not after you brought me back to life.” He said as he dropped his hand away, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I wouldn’t say that…” You whispered softly.

“Without your blood, I wouldn’t be sitting here. And I never thanked you for what you did.” Of course  Lorca knew what you’d done, the needle marks were identical on your arm and his, though covered weren’t hard to miss.

“You didn’t have to.” Looking into his eyes you held his gaze as you wondered where this was going.

“I know… but… I also heard you.” He confessed. “I heard you say my name, somehow deep inside, your voice pulled me back.”

For the first time in a very long time, you found yourself at a loss for words. What he was saying… what it meant… or at least what you _thought_ it did, you didn't know what to say to him.

But as he spoke, Lorca rested a hand on your cheek, the same place he had kissed you last week, and leaning in, he closed the distance between the two of you as he rested his forehead against yours. It was then did you realize one very important part about Lorca you had been thinking of all this time - he didn't _talk_ about his feelings as much as he preferred to show how he felt - and that was enough.

There was also a part of you that knew… being so close to him… if you just made the first move to kiss him… you'd been thinking about it for a while now, was this the right time?

“Do you want to kiss me?” It was like he could read your mind as he whispered those words in your ears.

“What?” Your eyes widened as you blinked several times, “I didn't say that… and… and even if I did then, doesn't talking about the thing before it happens lose the surprise of… of a first kiss?”

“When you say _first_ kiss… you mean… a first kiss with me or…?” He left the question unspoken in the air.

You paused for a minute, wondering what you were going to say to Lorca about this; half a second later you just gave into your instincts and before you knew it, you reached forward and kissed him. If it could even be considered one. A quick peck on his lips, that's what it was more than anything… and yet… judging from the look on his face, he knew that the question had been answered.

“Would you like me to show you what it’s like to be kissed, Y/N?” His voice was a whisper of breath against your cheek as he closed the distance, waiting for your answer.

“Yes.” Whether it was the fact that you’d still made the first move or that as soon as you had kissed him, you didn’t want to stop feeling the way you did, there was no hesitation.

It seemed as if time had stopped altogether as Lorca brought his hand up to your face and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, letting his finger linger across your cheek, trailing down to brush his thumb across your lips before he captured them with his… gently pushing you against the pillows as he deepened the kiss, his hands trailing over your uniform, finding that curve on your waist, a perfect spot for his fingers to slowly caress you there.

 _“Oh!”_ You moaned at his touch and threw your arms around his neck pulling him closer.

The hand that was on your waist wandered over to your stomach as he aimed to go higher, but just as you started to register that thought and what it meant, you broke away from the kiss and rested your hand against his chest.

“Wait wait wait… just… umm…” You were breathing heavily now and felt a flush in your cheeks.

“Is something wrong?” Lorca looked concerned, “I didn't mean to rush you into anything Y/N, if you're not ready…” He started to move back to give you space.

“No! That's not it. I didn't… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have just… ugh… I'm not saying that I don't…” You began to say.

“Hey, it's okay.” Lorca took your face in his hands and ran his thumb on your cheek. “We don't have to go any further…”

“I want to!” That was the last thing you wanted him to say; you blurted out what you were thinking.

He raised an eyebrow at your words but didn't say anything else… giving you a second to breathe and explain your sudden reaction.

“Look… I… I know that maybe this is moving too soon for us, but if I'm being honest then… when I saw you today, I didn't just see my captain who was fighting for his life… I saw _you_ , someone that I… like. More than like. A lot. And I realized how precious our life is… how important it is to not waste time worrying about waiting for the right moment or worrying about what anyone else might think… and I knew… that I want this…” You paused rambling for a second to look at him. “I want you.”

“And I want you too.” He said with a soft smile.

“But…” Now that you had said what you had to, maybe it was also time to embrace the bold side of yourself, and so, you sat up in bed and turned around… knowing Lorca was mirroring your movements until he realized that you were effectively on top of him.

“You're still recovering from an injury _captain_ , so tonight should really be all about me taking care of you.”

Your heart was beating fast now but you pushed away all thoughts and just focused on the feelings. Tonight was about the two of you and the next twelve hours that you had together.

“Oh really? What exactly did you have in mind Y/N?” There was a smirk on his lips as he heard your suggestion.

“A little bit of this… a little bit of that.” You replied as you shrugged off your white uniform jacket.

“Well… I'm not one to refuse my doctor's orders.”

“Good, because you are going to do _everything_ I say tonight.”

“As you wish… my darling.”

And with that, Lorca pulled you down for another kiss as he helped you slip out of your clothes and turned off the lights in his room… save for the bedside table lamp on which the fortune from his cookie had found itself lying.

_If you have something worth fighting for then fight for it._


End file.
